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Do You know if Its Hurting me more than others? :(


May i send a sigh today? :( something that so long time i didnt do.. My heart just feeling so pain. so deep pain. I need to relax my mind before go on this monday... I cant tell this to anyone and also dont wanna share by talking and then i just find my self become so worst.... I just wanna talk by this blog, writing...

I dont know if this matter hurts me so much, this pain is more painful than other pain, more than a pain when Michael passed away, more than a pain when my parents got divorced, more than a pain when someone left me for a reason that i cant understand, more than a pain when another someone called me just a bullshit, and more than anything that hurting me in whole of my life...

Its really so pain cause actually i cant pretend that i love her so much :( .... so much... But is she knowing it? is she felt it? My tears just fallen down anytime i remember all memories with her, her deep late night phone, our conversations, our sharing, her laugh, her crying even i was felt her love too ago... :( But is it true that she love me ? :( is she ever mind me as something in her life? i felt nothing now...even cant tell how it is look alike...

Do You know if that thing hurting me? :( Or do u care about it..? I say nothing to you even when you call me by phone.. i just listened you with my teary eyes... how can i deny this feeling? Why are you lying and lying ? which one that i should believe from you now? :((

If you feel that i am feeling so hurt now? When i remember all those memories with you with them at 2010, when you hugged me, when you kissed my cheeks, and once for first time we met in real... :( can you feel me? this eyes cant stop to cry when i remember all... but maybe you dont care about it.

How can to switch off this dark pain? when i found you in another path that i cant reach, our rail and path is different now, even i start seeing so high thick wall between us... but can you tell me how to erase this pain.. when in the end i start felt i was so loving you :(( and its feeling so sad worse and worst from any others pain that came in my life... and so sad when i should say.. i was so loving you but now... i didnt know what i felt to you except my teary eyes....when whole nite i remembered that we ever have so wonderful friendship even it was more than just a friend but just like as you are my own sister from different mother... and its sad cause now, i should say it to be was.... :(

Now.... how to reduce this pain...when i know i just a stupid nothing in your life? even no meaning nothing... that you just found in the way then you left without say anything .... its pain and hurting me... cause in the end i just knew that you walked away for different path... :((

Do you know that hurting me more than a pain when Michael passed away, more than a pain when my parents got divorced, more than a pain when someone left me for a reason that i cant understand, more than a pain when another someone called me as just a bullshit, and more than anything that hurting me in whole of my life... :('


Today Learning is keep everything in middle place... :( and
dont let ur self to be excessive in everything
such as life, love, trust ..etc to human..

Monday that should be so nice but ....., 2011
When words cant say and do anything...
To You that ever be my best time of life

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